But seeing my blog has documented so many of my past stories.. reading them some of them make me cringe, but some of them make me smile so much.
how innocent I am whining about my life, which makes me look so dumb.
and sometimes I feel like deleting my blog and start a whole new one so that all these dumb memories can never be brought back to me.
however, thinking back to this.. I feel like all these blog posts are super precious! all my life has been documented down at that particular moment when I felt that way.
Take it as the part of the process in life yo!!
Always stay positive! I wanted my post to be in this way too because I am afraid if I do it the other way around, the next time I read back all the negative energy will brought back to me. #tooabstract lol
To write about my working life is literally only thing I can write now.
Cos that is what I am all about now...
People is surprised when I say I have changed my job.
As a fresh graduate with less than a year of working experience changing a new job seems to give people a not-so-welcoming impression to yourself.
Personally, dealing with all of these is not easy too.
I broke down many times before I have decided to hand in the resignation letter.
I did not tell anyone about this.
My parents were kinda shocked when I told them I have resigned from my last company.
Just kinda.. not really really shocked.., I think they have predicted this day will come, but not so soon, and just.. still a bit beyond what they have expected that I would do.
Only come to realise is that I have been so naive and mentally un-prepare for all the work flow and the nature of the work that threw to me in such a short time.
It is not a bit at all that I have issues with the boss or colleagues.. My boss even wanted to give me a raise in pay.
Rather than saying I am still not able to cope with the company's environment, I would say it is more about the nature of the job.
I thought I am capable and mentally prepared! But I have to admit I am not!
I broke down part of the reason is that I have found my weakness and I cannot deal with it.
I gave myself so much unnecessary pressure despite I can just let it go.
I brought home so much of the emotion in work back to home.
and this is wrong.
absolutely soooooooooo wrong!! A BIG NO NO!!
So I stopped.
and started thinking what to do with my life now. ha-ha, LKW, you have no choice but to stand up and move on. people are running and you just stop down? not even slowing down but stop it completely. wtf
I started browsing for new job.
I have only few months of experience in this industry.
I have received so little feedback from all the company that I have sent in my application.
the industry is slowing down.
that is the reason.
I always thought it was just a saying people will talk about in the kopitiam.
and at that moment of my life I started to felt it.
what if no company wants to take me?
Is it I am not good enough?
Did I made a wrong decision?
what is the next step I am going to do?
all these questions keep shooting in to my mind.
I took things for granted. That was the lesson learnt.
NEVER TAKE EVERYTHING FOR GRANTED!
Just when I thought changing a new environment could be better for me, I was so wrong.
I don't even have the chance to be in the new environment now.
That was inner struggle that I have been through from this process.
The insecurity hit me so hard.
I just need someone to understand that I have no choice but to move to a new environment, but I need support. I need people to listen and understand... but I felt embarrassed to talk about it to my friends.
and then almost a month later I received several interview invitations. (I have sent in more than 15 applications)
and I received several offers.
thank god.
all the negative thoughts that hit me during that time has instantly flushed down to the drain.
but I know I need to calm down and make this important decision.
and to always remember all the lesson that I have learnt from this painful experience and to make a decision that will not make me regret again.
I need to decide on my career, this is not just plainly a job for me.
It took me 2 weeks to reply the offers.
I sincerely grateful and thanked them for their offer. Thank you for seeing my capability and giving me a chance to offer me a position in your company.
They saved me from all the insecurity in my heart. Indirectly, they build all my confident back.
and then I made this decision to be in my current company.
gotten my confirmation.
thank god.
I am all good now..
I hope all my family and friends are happy for me too...
I have learnt so much from this experience.
I can't imagine when this happened to me for the first time when I am at my 30s or 40s.
I know I have to stepped up the game. I need to be more competitive.
and not to be this weak anymore.
I really mean it.
It also makes me realise the priority in my life.
There so much of ego in me. I can feel it.
I don't know why but career to me right now at this point is everything to me.
I feel like all the dramas that I have had from my past that I tend to care so much has become so minimal to me. I am paralysed to these. Numb and no feeling towards it.
hahaha.. tell me I am old now.
ohhh wait..
my Clash Royale notification has just popped up.
the clan needs me!
*entering battle and fully focused*
wait.. ehem.
what is my priority now?
OPSSSSSSSSSSS
.
.
.
.
hit me baby one more time. *britney spears' impersonation*
SUPER RANDOM ENDING LAH DUHHHHH!!!
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